Heartbroken

Hi. Assalamualaikum.

Today I just wanted to share something about being heartbroken. Well, I’m sure everyone has experienced it before atleast once. Me, myself has experienced it multiple times. But today I just wanted to share that one time that I was really heartbroken. It was 7 years back. I’m sure not many people actually knows that I ‘pernah dirisik’ but the relationship just didn’t workout. I’m not here to tell you why exactly it didn’t workout. But I wanted to share with you guys how it actually impacted my life.

It is always my dream to be marrying someone that is religious and smart. I wanted someone that could actually guide me to ‘jannah’. Back then, I thought I have found one. Someone perfect. Religious and smart just like what i ever wanted. He also suggest me to join usrah to help improve myself.  But I was just not ready for it. Why? I will tell you about this in another post. He was my first real love. We lasted for 2 years. He makes me happy and has been there for me through the last year of my degree and masters degree, and also when my father died. Not just him, but his family too. They were all really nice people. Fast forward, things happened. Something that really broke my heart. I suffered alone as I was living away from home, from my family, and it was just 5 months after my father died. I returned the ‘risik’ ring back. Maybe the way I ended it was not proper enough. I didn’t met him and confronted him face to face. I’m sure the decision that I’ve make broke his heart too. I blame my immaturity at the age of 23 for the decision that I’ve made. Few years later, I told this story to a ‘sister’ very close to me. She said I was naive and immature to ended it just because of some small things. But I took it as fate and that ‘kami tak ada jodoh’. 

Back to the original story how it actually impacted my life. Because I was really heartbroken at that time, I told two things to myself. First, it is okay to not having someone that is religious enough to guide you, maybe Allah wanted you to guide others instead. Second, it is okay to not having someone that is smart and have a good job because money doesn’t always gives you happiness. But guys, be careful with your tongue because the things that you said may become a ‘dua’. Allah will always test you on the things that you scared of or think the most. 

Why i told this story now? It is because my heart is not at ease these couple few days. I kept thinking about it and dreaming about it. Something that I have been forgetting for years. I felt guilt. But then i realized that Ramadhan is a month of reflection. This is my life reflection and I wanted to make up to it. 

Salam Ramadhan everyone. May this Ramadhan be better than before. Ameen.

Regards,

Efs